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Older Chinese looking to remarry face revealing obstacles

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POSTERITY HAS not been kind to Widow Luo. Bereaved as a young mother in the late Qing dynasty, her refusal to remarry earned her the emperor’s praise and a zhenjie paifang—a carved stone archway commemorating her chastity. A century and a half on, Widow Luo’s arch stands forgotten, its stonework crumbling on a backstreet in Lianglu, a sleepy village in south-west China.

When asked, villagers are hazy about the arch’s history. It is a relic of a “feudal” society whose ideas “no longer exist”, says Ms Yan, standing in the doorway of her grocer’s shop. Instead she describes how new ideas have reached the village, brought by women who left Lianglu to work outside, notably in Chongqing, a vast industrial city an hour’s drive to the north. Ms Yan, 41, describes women rebelling against husbands who gamble and play mah-jong, or who are “unkind to their wives”. A generation ago many considered divorce shameful. Now village divorces are “common”.

Across China divorce numbers have soared, with 1.3m couples splitting in the first half of 2024. During that time just 3.4m couples got married. That is half the number of marriages registered in the same period a decade ago. Childbirths are becoming rarer, too. The growing reluctance of young Chinese to start families prompts national soul-searching. But those marriage statistics would look even bleaker were it not for another, less-remarked phenomenon: a rise in the number of middle-aged and elderly Chinese looking to marry again.

By 2019 almost a quarter of Chinese newly-weds had been married before, the Civil Affairs Ministry reported. Gao Ying, a professor at Beijing Normal University, describes a remarriage market shaped by cruel inequalities. These vary greatly between cities and the countryside. In cities divorced men are deemed a “treasure”, with the experience to manage a new marriage. In contrast, divorced urban women are called “second-hand” wives. High-status divorced women face a lack of eligible men. It is another story in rural areas, where gender ratios have been skewed by decades of sex-selective abortions. Overall, China has 37m more men than women. In rural regions with many bachelors, even a woman divorced more than once “remains very popular as someone to marry”, says the professor. As for uneducated, never-married men who never left impoverished home villages, “many will die alone.”

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From her shop in Lianglu, Ms Yan has watched such dynamics play out. She describes village women becoming confident after working elsewhere. Her former neighbour divorced ten years ago, then decided to raise her daughter alone, rather than rush to marry a man who might mistreat her child. The woman is waiting for her teenage daughter to grow up and go to university before she seeks a “suitable” second husband, explains Ms Yan.

To see how divorced men and women fare in cities, Chaguan headed to People’s Park in Chongqing. A handsome spot, it is built on a series of tree-shaded terraces above the Yangzi river. On Friday mornings it hosts a “dating corner” for people over 40 (lovelorn youngsters gather there each Saturday).

On a recent Friday a low wall is covered with sheets of paper: advertisements posted by a local non-profit group. There are over 8,000 men and women in the group’s database, says a volunteer. Many of the women are relatively well off. Typically, though, they seek men who are still better off—and are likely to be disappointed, reports the volunteer. The men in her database tend to be poorer, but still “want women to be beautiful and to have money”. They are likely to be frustrated too. Fewer than one in ten of those in the database find someone to marry.

Mr Zhao, a shoe trader from northern China, stands alone at a stone balustrade. The 46-year-old is trim and fit in a blue polo shirt, but life has left him cynical and wary. “There are few really sincere people now,” he sighs. Divorced ten years ago, he has no children and wants none of his own. He would accept a wife who came with a stepdaughter, and even one stepson. Two stepsons would be “too much” financial pressure, because young men need an apartment and car of their own if they wish to marry.

In a corner waits Mr Wu, a thin man of 44 from a poor region of Anhui province. During years of work in factories and restaurants, he never found a wife. He grew close to a woman once but she deemed his village home too shabby and left him, he says. Now he is putting his hopes in a big city. He has been trying to survive selling candied fruit on the street, but has been chased away by urban patrol officers. He is looking for a divorced woman, and would accept someone older and disabled. “The main thing is someone kind-hearted,” he says. Alas, he has no money and no home, so is “too embarrassed” to approach people.

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A conservative society is changing at speed

A divorced local woman of 53, Ms He is looking for a companion aged between 60 and 70. Estranged from her adult daughter, she wants someone with whom to share walks, table tennis and cooking. Because Chinese authorities have made divorce slower and harder in recent years, she reports that “generally” older people plan to live together in an informal “trial marriage”.

Some older men stand out for dressing like teenagers, in shorts, T-shirts and hats that would not shame a New York rapper. One of them is Mr Hu, 68. He wants to find “a simple woman” of 50 or so, though he grumbles that even rural women have become “complicated”. He deems his chances slim, so is “here to have fun”.

Despite such flashes of bravado, interviewing older Chinese about marriage and remarriage is on balance a sombre business. For they share a similar concern: that the young seem unwilling or afraid to start a family, and even seem uninterested in falling in love. Nobody should mourn the old China that venerated “chaste” widows. But tomorrow’s China may be a lonely place. ■

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ChaguanChina.css-2x8c4j{margin:0.875rem 0;}.css-2x8c4j .e12sz0jx0+*{margin-top:0.875rem;}.el1rg701+.css-2x8c4j{margin-top:0;}.css-1aogxph{color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-20);font-family:var(–mb-typeface-sans);font-size:var(–mb-typestyle-label-2-size);font-variant:var(–mb-typestyle-label-2-figures);line-height:var(–mb-typestyle-label-2-leading);}.css-1aogxph s,.css-1aogxph del{-webkit-text-decoration:line-through;text-decoration:line-through;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;}.css-1aogxph b{font-weight:var(–mb-font-weight-semibold);}.css-1aogxph i{font-style:italic;}.css-1aogxph sup{font-feature-settings:’sups’ 1;}.css-1aogxph sub{font-feature-settings:’subs’ 1;}.css-1aogxph u{text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;}.css-1aogxph a{color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-20);-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-underline-offset:0.1875rem;}.css-1aogxph a:hover,.css-1aogxph a:focus,.css-1aogxph a:active{text-decoration-thickness:var(–mb-spacing-3xs);}.css-1aogxph a:hover{color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-30);}.css-1aogxph a:hover span{text-decoration-color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-30);}.css-1aogxph a:focus{background-color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-90);color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-5);text-decoration-color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-5);outline:none;}.css-1aogxph a:active{background-color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-90);color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-30);text-decoration-color:var(–mb-colour-base-chicago-30);}

This article appeared in the China section of the print edition under the headline “China develops a divorced dating scene”

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China

August 10th 2024

• →One way to turbocharge the Chinese economy
• →China’s new plan for tracking people online
• →China is now the world leader in coffee shops
• →How China views the popular uprising in Bangladesh
• →China develops a divorced dating scene

.css-ra48xw{font-family:var(–mb-typeface-serif);position:relative;}.css-duuyjs{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:column;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column;-webkit-box-pack:column;-ms-flex-pack:column;-webkit-justify-content:column;justify-content:column;-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;text-align:center;-webkit-column-gap:var(–mb-spacing-lg);column-gap:var(–mb-spacing-lg);}.css-s61v3v{border-radius:0.125rem;box-shadow:-0.125rem 0.125rem 0.25rem 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.4);margin-bottom:0.75rem;min-width:10rem;max-width:12rem;}@media (min-width: 37.5rem){.css-s61v3v{min-width:12rem;}}.css-s61v3v img{display:block;max-width:100%;}.css-std7t4{max-width:16rem;}.css-nba04v{color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-5);font-family:var(–mb-typeface-serif);font-size:var(–mb-typestyle-title-3-size);font-variant:var(–mb-typestyle-title-3-figures);font-weight:var(–mb-font-weight-medium);line-height:var(–mb-typestyle-title-3-leading);margin-bottom:0.25rem;}

From the August 10th 2024 edition

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Discover stories from this section and more in the list of contents

⇒Explore the edition.css-v7aorn{margin-top:0.875rem;}.css-v7aorn +.eq1asik0{margin-top:3rem;padding-bottom:0;}.el1rg701+.css-v7aorn{margin-top:0;}.css-9ejc71{position:relative;border-bottom:0;border-top:0.0625rem solid var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-85);color:var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-35);}.css-9ejc71 .ebxshaw0{margin-top:0;}.css-9ejc71 >.e5z0ibw0>*{padding:var(–mb-spacing-md) 0;}.css-9ejc71 >.e5z0ibw0>*:nth-of-type(2){border-top:0.0625rem solid var(–mb-colour-greyscale-london-85);}@media (min-width: 37.5rem){.css-9ejc71 >.e5z0ibw0>*:nth-of-type(2){border-top:0;}}.css-9ejc71 >.e5z0ibw0 .e5z0ibw0{gap:var(–mb-spacing-sm);}.css-yb4x8x{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:column;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column;-webkit-align-items:stretch;-webkit-box-align:stretch;-ms-flex-align:stretch;align-items:stretch;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:flex-start;justify-content:flex-start;}@media (min-width: 37.5rem){.css-yb4x8x{-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;}}@media (min-width: 37.5rem){.css-yb4x8x{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;}}@media (min-width: 37.5rem){.css-yb4x8x{-webkit-box-pack:end;-ms-flex-pack:end;-webkit-justify-content:flex-end;justify-content:flex-end;}}.css-1j1j36d{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webkit-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;row-gap:0.6rem;-webkit-column-gap:var(–mb-spacing-sm);column-gap:var(–mb-spacing-sm);}ShareReuse this content.css-169lzn0{position:relative;-webkit-align-self:auto;-ms-flex-item-align:auto;align-self:auto;display:none;}@media (min-width: 80rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-column-start:9;}}@media (min-width: 89rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-column-start:13;}}@media (min-width: 80rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-column-end:13;}}@media (min-width: 89rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-column-end:17;}}@media (min-width: 80rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-row-start:1;}}@media (min-width: 80rem){.css-169lzn0{grid-row-end:span 4;}}@media (min-width: 80rem){.css-169lzn0{display:block;}}.css-169lzn0:last-child::after{height:0;}.css-1y1zooy{display:inline;}.css-1y1zooy >*+*{margin-top:2rem;}.css-1y1zooy >*:only-child{margin-top:1.25rem;}.css-1y1zooy >*:last-child{position:-webkit-sticky;position:sticky;top:1.5rem;}.css-mqgbir{margin-top:6rem;}.css-mqgbir .ds-section-headline{margin-bottom:1rem;}

More from China

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Chinese authorities try to stop parents gaming the exam system (again)

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They will go to great lengths to try

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China’s alarming sex imbalance

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Behind DeepSeek lies a dazzling Chinese university

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Hail China’s new “ice-and-snow economy”

The country is betting on winter sports and tourism to boost growth in its rustbelt

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Источник: www.economist.com